Saturday, January 29, 2011

i have confidence in sunshine...

Oakley is so joyous! She searches me out to make eye contact, and once we've locked eyes, we can gaze at each other for such a long time. I'm totally in baby love with her. She's hard-core teething right now, and I'm looking forward to seeing her tiny pearls sitting on her sweet gums. Oak has been sitting up without being propped up (not an easy feat for such a rolly-polly baby!). I think she's going to start crawling in the next two months. She's been coughing for extra attention lately- something Sawyer used to do as well! It's interesting to see small traits like that run through both girls. Somehow we've inadvertantly taught them this...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

a breath of fresh air.

We moved to Kansas City when Oakley was 6 weeks old. Lived out of a hotel for TWO MONTHS. (two kids under two, for two months in one hotel room is really difficult!). We moved into the huge, old colonial (that I'm totally in love with, but very a overwhelming project!)  This entire time, my parents have never come to visit. Not once. The day we left Austin for Kansas City, they flew out to Vegas for the weekend.

My parents are generally extremely supportive people. Where is their support now?

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the brink of losing my mind! The house always feels like it's falling apart, the kids will never take a nap when I need one, and I just get...lonely. I miss my momma!

I called her in tears today- I'm just having a really difficult day today. For no particular reason, and for every single reason I can think of. I'm exhausted beyond words. Tired of carrying, singing, talking, making, patting, changing...I need my momma to re-energize me. I need her to love on my babies and love on her baby and make everything okay again. Do you know what she said to me? Not "I'll be right there" or "is this weekend too late?" but..."have you joined any mom's clubs in the area"? Are you serious, mom? Sheesh. Thanks anyway.

I'm the oldest of four kids. We're all two years apart. I know my parents have a lot going on, but sometimes I just really need a hand. I honestly can't remember the last time I called and told them I needed help. I can't believe she referred me to a mom's club.

How do you reach out a hand? How do you ask for help? Do you search out a desperate mother at the library, grocery store, or playground and ask her if she needs a hand? It seems like our society is so busy- do we take time to look for moms that need a breath of fresh air? Will you be someone's breath of fresh air today?

Saturday, January 15, 2011


this was actually written two weeks ago, but I wanted to share it with you

As I lay on our king size bed, breast bared to our sleeping five + a half month old sleeping infant, I hear the gentle snores of my husband in the other room. I can picture him laying next to our 26 month old daughter...both of them sharing blissful dreams of Star Wars and polar bears.

Today was the first day of the rest of our lives. Like every day, I suppose. Every day we encounter mini-milestones. Discovering a better route home from work. How to add milk at just the right time to make the perfect gravy. In Sawyer's life, today was the first day without nie-nie.

Nie-nie is comfort. It's peace. It's the quickest way to calm and soothe. Nie-nie is our family word for nursing, something Sawyer knows very well.

Within the first precious moments of her birth, she suckled at my breast. I came to the hospital fully prepared with my Boppy, breast pump, breast pads, La Leche League's "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding", and ideas floating in my head of various holds + ways to help my newborn latch on to my breast. Latching, however, was not our problem. We've had a hard time UN-latching.

Last night was the last nie-nie. She awoke from a nightmare, demanding to nurse. I reluctantly allowed her to nurse (we are night-weaned). When I did so, I discovered she really just wanted to lay her head on my bare breast, without nursing. This has been our pattern lately, but for some reason, I knew my baby bird was ready for a nudge out of the nie-nie nest.

The next morning when Sawyer awoke, she immediately asked to nurse. I reminded her that she nursed last night and drank her nie-nie then. She quickly responded, "that's okay, Momma. I drink baby Oakley's nie-nie." I answered her gently "no, no sweetie. I made you some special banana bread with chocolate chips. Let's go get milk with a straw + banana bread!" She was excited to go downstairs for the banana bread + quickly forgot the nie-nie.

Our next checkpoint was naptime. I had taken her to storytime at our local library and to play on the playground so she would be thoroughly worn out + ready for her afternoon nap. When we got home, we all curled up on our family bed to read books and take a nap in the sunshine. She briefly asked to nurse, but I showed her a new "look and find" book from the library and asked if she wouldn't rather look at that with me. She was very excited. We had a great time perusing the book and she soon drifted off to sleep.

When she awoke from her nap, I thought we were going to have to nurse. I was just about to tell her that big girls don't have nie-nie, a conversation I never have felt right about, when instead, I told her how excited I am for her. "Sawyer! Now that you're a big girl, I'm so excited for you! Let's make you some purple cow milk (grape juice mixed with whole milk) downstairs while baby Oakley finishes her nap. How special and fun for us!!"

So the two of us slipped away downstairs where the two of us drank purple cows, shared another slice of banana bread, and giggled together. She kept kissing me on my face and I knew in a heartbeat she was ready to fly. She and I went back upstairs to check on Oakley and to work on her Strawberry Shortcake sticker workbook.

As I write this, tears are softly streaming down my face. I'm not really sure why. My nursing journey with Sawyer has lasted significantly longer than my husband or I ever dreamed. It has been sweet, endearing, messy, silly, peaceful, and precious. Tandem nursing has been an even greater roller-coaster of emotions. Surges of happiness and love, to downright resentment at times. Above all, I am so thankful that she was as committed as I to seeing this first portion of our journey together so wonderfully.

With a heart filled with love, relief, mixed with a hint of sadness over the loss of her babyhood, a smile for the adventures that lie ahead, and an aching breast, I close my eyes in blissful slumber. Sleep well, sweet girl. Sleep well, sweet family of mine.


I found this beautiful poem in Mothering Magazine - it is so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes. I just had my second daughter in mid-July, and Liza just celebrated her second child's birth just about a month ago. Welcome Dawson! Liza- this poem is for you. xo

our goals are simple

as women, mothers, and friends, our goals are simple:

love our husband(s) and babies. be kind and generous to those in our lives. to learn and to help teach. strengthen our faith and the faith of our family. be gentle to the earth and its inhabitants. stop and smell the roses (or at least the crayons!)